so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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