I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
