go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
