We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
