Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
