Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
