Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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