I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
