I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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