This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
