Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
