Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
