community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do herpes really smell.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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