You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
