Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we made out on top of his cat.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
