With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
