Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
