Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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