gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The beer is more important than you right now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize