I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
