May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
