Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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