wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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