if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
