I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
