Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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