listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who died my cat blue again?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize