when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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