I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
