do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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