So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
