can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
