Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
