you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
