You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
