that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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