i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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