as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
