I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
