my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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