don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
