It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
