So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
