Can Purell be used as lube?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
