the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
