those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
