I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
