xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
