I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
