apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
