I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
