I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
