so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
