All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
