the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
