It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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